The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 44

In which the investigation moves to Witches End…

Clayday, Fertilityweek, Darkseason, 613

So we’z all up at dawn to see Sieur Ambrose in hiz office but Blen an’ Henri Cabernet woz up before for they’z duel. Akterly I gets up early too ‘cos I’z gotta pray to King Rat ‘cos today’z our ‘Oly Day.

Bluddy Humakti’s! Cors, they’z ‘ad to agree roolz so they dint kill each uvver – this izza trubbl wiv Humakti’s, see, they treats scrappin’ azza game when normal peepl knowz it’s bout life an def, rite? Turns out Blen wun wiv a scratch in Henri’s arm. Henri woz ded sportin an gave Blen a knife.

Turns out Sieur Ambrose in’t top rat inna collij, he’s just in charj ov all the lackeys. He’z alreddy got two porcs here. Wun ovvem iz Sergeant George Carter, wot’s dun ventoorin’ wivvus. The uvver iz a judj calld Raymond Atkins. The judj ‘az cum to ‘ear wot ‘append but sez he’z keen to let Lady Samal to do all the quizzin’ long az George tags along to make shaw we duz ‘doo prossiss’ but he’z takin Ernie’s boddy so it can be cut up by a Luciferan (theze Sunny cults iz a rum bunch).

Wunce the judj iz gon we go look at sum maps an soon work out the way to Witchiz-End, bout a day and a bit norfeast of Sofia. Lady Samal reckons the map showz a stone circle an rooins inna wood near the villaj.

Stella still aint got an ‘orse from when hers got cookd in the fire in the stables last year so she an Eliza rush off to the ‘orse market while Lady Samal gets a packd lunch off the collij kitchen for all ovvus.

So we ‘eds out before lunch – I’z drivin’ the cart while Lord Thomas drives hiz chariot an the rest ride on the cart or they’z ‘orses. Nuffink much ‘appens, an that’z ‘ow I likes it. We passes an old inn wot’z bin burned down just before dusk but rite after we gets to Uppa Morton, wot Lady Samal woz aimin’ for tonite. It’z inna valley wivva stream. It’z got a big fence wot the toffs call a ‘pallisaid’ wot looks new anna posh ‘ouse iz on the hill. The toffs reckon this blongs to Baron Morton.

The gates in the pallisaid open az we cumz up. The first fing we seez iz an inn calld the Risin’ Sun but when we asks they sez they aint got enuff room, even wivva big new bit bilt at the back, so Lady Samal gets ‘em to tell hiz lordship we’z ‘ere.

Turns out the place is full ‘cos the Yool festival iz cummin up at the end ovva week. They’z gonna ‘av a party wiv deckrayshuns, vittles, booz, music an dancin’ – sounds like fun! They’z got a bit ov a tree inna pub an sumwun sez it’z like that in all the ‘ouses, too.

So we scrubs up an azza bite to eat and then we chats to the locals inna pub. Nowun sez they know Isabella from her piktur. We get told Witchiz-End izza funny villaj wot they’z reckon iz cursd. Nowun from Uppa Morton ever goes there.

A bit later the landlord’s kid cums back from the posh ‘ouse – hiz Lordship wonts to ‘entertain’ Lady Samal an’ her ontooraj so up the hill we goes.

The posh ‘ouse iz kinda like a castl wivva tower anna cortyard wiv fings like stables, know wot I mean? The toff iz Lord Louie de Crecy, Baron Morton (that’s Louie like the Sun King). He givs the toffs a posh intro to hiz ladyship, Letisha, hiz daughter Collette, hiz son Bernard an anuvver dorter calld Amelie, wot’z still a baby.

We all gets given dinner wiv Lady Samal and Lord Thomas at the high table wiv hiz lordship an ladyship and the rest ovvus on uvver tables wiv hiz lackeys – wot’z fine by me ‘cos I dunt ‘av to worry bout me manners so much, though I’ve learnt a lot from wotchin the toffs back at the dezrez in Puttock.

Lord Louie izza Heliot but wun ov the nicer wuns, more like Sieur Alphonse than Lord Thomas, know wot I mean? Hiz servants all say he’z always dapper in the best cloves, but int at all narky an talks to evrywun, not just toffs.

After vittles the toffs go to a drawin’ room for dancin’ an stuff. (No idea why they duz dancin’ in a room ment for drawin’ but then toffs iz like that.) The rest of us iz invited down the town by the servants wot aint on dooty. That means gettin’ bladdered in the Risin’ Sun. Yool aint till Godsday but evrywun parties like there’z no tomorrer an I dunt remember much to be ‘onest.

Windsday, Fertilityweek, Darkseason, 613

So I wakes up in Lord Louie’s stables – bit ovva hed but I’z ‘ad worse an it’z much better after brekfust.

Lady Samal tellz us that while we woz all gettin’ bladdered inna pub, Lord Louie told her an Lord Thomas he got hiz title when hiz dad got killd by Trolls four years ago inna big raid. That’z when that inn we saw got burnd. After that, they bilt the pallisaid an maid the inn bigger to make up for the burnd inn. He also sed that Witchiz-End izza a bit rum anna locals fink it’z cursd. He sed he woz goin’ to Witchiz-End soon so Lord Louie iz cummin wiv us today.

Lord Louie wonts to take gifts for the peepl of Witchiz-End on two chariots, but Lady Samal sez he can put it on our cart if he wonts, so I’z drivin’ a cart full of prezents for a villaj wots cursd. There’z a ded pig for roastin’, sacks of fruit and vej and a sack ov toys for the kiddies – I fink Lord Louie izza a reel gent ‘cos Witchiz-End aint even hiz villaj.

We takes the road east. Lord Louie iz in wun chariot wivva driver an anuvver haz two ov hiz retainers. Akterly Lord Louie starts out drivin’ az we leaves but only to charge rite to the front so he’z leadin’, then he givs the rains to hiz driver wot goes slower so we can all keep up wivvout crashin’.

The wevver’s a bit cold and windy but we rats iz tuff an dunt feel the cold much – Stella reckons the mountains to the norf iz holdin’ off the worst ov it. After bout five miles we turns norf onto a smaller track wot winds up into the mountains, so it gets colder an I’z glad ov me cote ov kwilts. Now this track iz much worse an it’z twistier an we’z got a hedwind so we goes slower, but we reaches Witchiz-End in time for lunch. (I ‘opes it’z sumfink ‘ot, know wot I mean?)

Looks like the villaj iz gettin’ reddy for Yool, but they dunt seem to be avvin az much fun az in Uppa Morton. Lord Louie tellz us to go to the pub while he tellz the hedman bout the prezents.

The inn iz the Sacred Grove an it’z sign izza piktur of three trees, the barman iz Barney Appleton but we aint bin there hardly no time before Lord Louie turnz up wiv a geezer called Cedric Woodstock, wot’s the villaj hedman.

Turns out the villaj ‘az lost two children wot’s gon missin overnite, they’z Helen Warner an Joseph Plowman. They’z teens wot snuck out togevver last night (probly for a bit ov ‘anky-panky – yer knows wot teenz iz like) but they’z not cum back. The villajers ‘az bin searchin’, but nowun’s gon in the woods, yet.

The way they sez that makes me fink they’z ded frited ov the woods. They sez there’z sum standin’ stones inna woods. I fort theze Mataris all liked standin’ stones but they sez theze iz relicts ov an old villaj wot got trashed yearz ago. The villajers sez the rooins iz hauntid and dunt like goin’ in the woods but ov corss the kids dare each uvver to tutch the stones.

So they’z bin puttin’ it off but the villajers reckon they’z gotta look inna woods. Ov corss, Lady Samal offers to ‘elp wiv lookin’. Barney the barman sez he will put us up for free if we helps inna search. An then Lord Louie offers a reward if we can find the kids an even more if we can lift the ‘curse’ on the villaj.

Lady Samal asks the famlies ov the missin’ kids for sum cloves so I can mebbe follow they’z smell. While we’z waitin’ Lady Samal an Lord Thomas an Stella asks bout Isabella. As soon as they show her piktur they sez she’z known inna villaj. She used to live in Witchiz-End but she was driven out two years ago.

Parrently she woz a bit odd an liked to visit the ‘hauntid woods’ – an she used to sleep round the whole villaj. I fort Matari girls all did that a lot but Isabella must ‘av dun it too much. Most villajers never goes very far inna woods ‘cos they’z reckon sumfink iz inna middl ov the wood wot’s ded evil and peepl go missin’ if they goes too deep inna trees.

Turns out wun person, David Shepherd, ‘woz reel keen on Isabella so if she’z cum back then she mite be at hiz ‘ouse. Barney sez he aint seen David for a coupla days. When we gets to hiz ‘ouse on the edge of the village there aint no reply when we knocks but the toffs reckon we shood go in anyroad.

Inside the ‘ovel wots just the wun room, we finds him onniz bed, surrounded by empty beer bottles. He looks ded but he’z just ded drunk. Nuffink ‘ere sez enywun but him’z bin ‘ere for dayz – all I can smell iz stale beer an drunk pezzant.

We leevz him to sleep it off to see the famlies ov the missin’ kids wot live on the uvver side ov the village in next door ‘ouses. They sez the kids woz last seen at bedtime last night so they’z must run off inna night ‘cos they’z not at ‘ome this mornin’. They givz us cloves blongin’ to the missing kids so I can track ‘em wiv me nose – but I ‘az to splain to the girl’z mum that I needz her used nickers, not wuns that’s bin washed, like.

Lord Thomas reckons the kids ‘az bin took az sacrifices, so “there’z is no time to looz”! Barman Barney sez he can lead uz long the side of the wood and show us the path goin’ to the standin’ stones.

So we sets off – it’z not long after noon. On the way we tracks three people who follerd the path norf out the villaj long the west side ov the wood. In a bit theyz leave the parf and hed west cross the fields. Then I smells two more peepl woz on this parf last nite an they woz Helen an Joseph, the missin’ kids.

From ‘ere the woods dunt look like nuffink speshul an they’z iz used by the villajers ‘cos we can see trees iz coppissd an they’z plowin’ rite up to the trees. Az we hed norf long the edge ov the trees, Barney tellz us a story… [See here for Barney’s story in his own words.]

He sez that wunce ponna time, centries ago, there wozza anuvver villaj ‘ere in the woods. It woz small but they livd in peess an ‘armony wiv the Urff Muvver, (wot’s anuvver name for Matar). Then sumfink evil came an maid the villajers turn from worshippin’ the Urff Muvver to evil. They got cruptid an did black majik an witchcraft.

That got stopd by a troll raid that kilt all the black witchiz of the wood an burnd the villaj, leevin’ just the standin’ stones wot the trolls left wiv marks in Trollish so evrywun wood know it woz them wot dunnit. Yearz later the village of Witchiz-End was maid to make use ov all the good land, but mebbe sumfink ov the old evil iz still ‘ere ‘cos the village aint never dun well, like.

So Barney stops where the parf turns into the woods – he won’t cum no furver. Me nose sez the missin’ kids went this way an Barney sez the parf goes to the stones.

So we’z goin into the trees... I’z not an ‘appy rat, but at least it aint dark an Lord Thomas iz pretty brutal inna fite.