The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 60

In which our heroes track down the Ogres to a tower…

Fireday, Stasisweek, Earthseason, 614 – early afternoon

Raphael sez the last raid woz at a villij calld Fevverfall. It’s gonna take us most ov a day to get to there so Beak Wellard sez we can stop in Ganderton for the nite. I reckon that’z reel nice ovvim ‘cos wun ov us iz a Troll an’ we’z all furriners to the Ducks, like. (But I wunders if Beak Wellard iz cockin’ hiz beak at the local nob by actin’ ded nice to a Troll when the nob reckons there’z a war brewin’ wiv ‘em, know wot I mean?)

So we follers the Ducks into Ganderton where we’z put up in a hut on the edj of the villij. It’z bilt for Ducks, ov cors, so we’z all bent dubbl but the bedz iz cumfy an’ it’z only for wun nite.

Moonday, Stasisweek, Earthseason, 614

We gets up ded early ‘cos it’z a long way to Fevverfall. Hassan tries to cook brekfust but it smellz reel bad an’ when he tastes it he spits it out sharpish. So I haz a go – it’z nowhere near az good az Eliza’s cookin’ but at least I ain’t poiznin’ evrywun.

Eliza reckons the wevver’s gonna be warm an’ breezy for the next cuppl ov dayz – good wevver for walkin’. So Raphael leads us sowfwest down the edj ov the lake. On the way he givz us the skinny on the local jography – Timbrum iz down the sowfwest end ov the lake an’ Fevverfall iz bout five or six mile this side, on the sowf shore. Up the uvver end iz two villijiz ov peepl, Balaton an’ Vesperton, named after the guy wot found the lake an’ hiz missus. On the prmot… promtr… sticky-out bit oppsit Ganderton iz Duckfort, wot Raphael sez iz big enuff for evrywun – Ducks an’ all – to hide in if there’z a war. He sez Ganderton buys timber off Timbrum, wot get it from the Beavers wot liv in a wood furver west. Raphael reckons the Ducks woz ‘ere before the hyoomans but the Beavers woz first. Most hyoomans fishiz in the lake; sum Ducks do that but they also grows cress an’ such in the lake an’ I fink ov when I saw Ducks farmin’ the paddie-fields ov Duckpoint frew the tellee-scope at Mount Ofrys.

Then Blen starts tellin’ us bout vampires. They’z ded tuff, toatly evil an’ from wot Blen sez they’z very ‘ard to kill – an’ they’z got loads ov weerd powers, such like they can look at you funny an’ turn you gainst your mates. Merde! I ‘opes I never meets wun.

The Sun’s gettin’ low when Raphael points an’ sez Fevverfall iz just ahed. Regal reckons I gotta go in before evrywun else so they dunt muddy the smellz, like. That’s a good idea but ov cors it’z Moonday so when I tries to get me ratty hed on I loses it an’ goes full rat an’ I can’t shift back. If I goes in like this all the Ducks will fink I’z a Chaos monster cum to eat they’z ducklings, know wot I mean? So sumwun’s gotta cum in wiv me. Hassan vlonteerz but Raphael sez he shood go in first to warn all the Ducks, wot makes sens to me, rite?

So Raphael goes knockin’ on doors an’ cums back wiv anuvver Duck an’ the two ov ‘em sees me an’ Hassan in – but all I can smell iz Ducks, know wot I mean? But then the uvver Duck tellz Raphael that the raid woz an ‘undred yards the uvver side of the villij an’ he takes us there wiv Regal an’ the uvvers followin’, stayin’ well back.

The Duck sez a pair ov Goosander Ducks had landed a catch ov fish when they woz nabbed. He sez it ‘append five days ago, wot’s a long time for smells to last but I’ll giv it a go. I smellz Ducks, fish an’ hyoomans but no ‘orses. While I’z sniffin’ I finds a footprint ov a bloke wiv big feet.

I follers the human stink bout two ‘undred yards to sum trees wot smells of ‘orses’ – looks like they hid ‘em ‘ere for a kwik getaway, like. I smells hyoomans, Ducks an’ blud az well – Duck blud! Turns out the Ducks got this far but they lost the trail after fifty yards ‘cos the ‘orse tracks just stoppd!

Blen asks if the raiders cood ‘av gon in the Shadowlands? Oleg finks for a mo – he reckons it cood ‘appen but he dunt fink it likely ‘cos ‘orses dunt like the Grey.

I can’t see no tracks ‘ere but me nose follers the ‘orse stink, wot’s ded strong – the hyoomans and Ducks fade a bit, probly ‘cos they’z woz on the ‘orses, like, but I can still smell the fish, wot the Ducks woz stinkin’ ov. I follers me nose sowfwest but it’z gettin’ dark now an Raphael finks it’z time to get back to Fevverfall.

They puts us up in a sort ov barn an’ givs us fish stew wot’s reely yummy – I tellz ‘em I liked Duck cookin’ when we woz in Duckpoint an’ they seems pleezd I’z been there.

Godsday, Stasisweek, Earthseason, 614

This time Blen cooks brekfust an’ it’z brill – much better than me yestday, I reely enjoys it – then we gets back to trackin’ the varmints.

So we goes back where we left off last nite. ‘Cos it’z Freezeday I haz no trubbl gettin’ me ratty hed on but it’z bin almost a week now an’ the smell iz ded faint. All I can say iz it looks like they woz ridin’ sowfwest.

So Regal an’ Redwing get eagly an’ fly up for a looksee. When they gets back, hours later, they sez there’s these weerd-lookin’ hills wot look’ kinda like volcanoes, gettin’ steeper az you go up but ded flat on top – a small wun bout ten mile sowfwest an’ a bigger wun norfwest. Tween ‘em iz a big wood, where the Beavers live. Regal spotted a cave in the far side ov the bigger hill wot cood be the raiders’ base, like.

Regal an’ Redwing cood see miles an’ miles wiv Farsee – it’z more rollin’ hills furver away but bout fifteen mile off iz a tower on a small hill. Regal asks Raphael bout the tower but he’z never ‘eard of it. (But that’s ‘cos the Ducks never leevs the lake, know wot I mean?) But that’s anuvver place the varmints cood be.

So we talks bout wot to do ova lunch. Goin’ all the way to the cave wood take sum time so Regal reckons he an’ Redwing cood fly ova for a looksee while the rest ov us hed for Timbrum. If he seez ‘orse tracks or eny varmints we’ll go there tomorrer, else we’ll hed for that tower.

So that’s wot we do. Regal an’ Redwing get back just before we reaches Timbrum az the Sun’s settin’. Regal had a good look – got reel close – he reckons there’z bears or wolfs in the cave but no ‘orses so we’z heddin’ for the tower tomorrer.

Timbrum haz three or four ‘undred Ducks an’ a few Beavers so Raphael gets us a place to stay an’ food. We talks ova wot to do. If they’z in the tower, Regal reckons the varmints iz probly passin’ frew the narrer bits tween those weerd hills an’ the Beaver woods. He finks we mite find tracks if we’z lucky ‘cos they must go that way a lot, whenever they’z raidin’ the sowf shore ov the lake.

There’z a big discushon bout how to recce the tower – when they get’s eagly they shrinks a bit but Regal’s a big bloke an’ when he’z an eagl he’s still az big az me so he’z afraid the varmints will spot him an’ know sumfink iz up. But Oleg sez if Regal uses Farsee he can fly reel high but he’ll see the tower like he’z just fifty yards up. Then Regal asks me if I cood furckl round the place at nite wiv Oleg an’ I sez I’m game.

Raphael finks we won’t need him ‘cos there’z no Ducks where we’z goin’ so he’ll stop in Timbrum an’ get the locals to keep wotch on the two passijiz eyver side of the Beaver woods.

Freezeday, Mobilityweek, Earthseason, 614

So we leevz Raphael in Timbrum an’ heds for the passij tween the sowf hill an’ the Beaver woods. We gets there two hours later. There ain’t no ‘orse tracks but Eliza an’ Stella bofe reckon a big monster – mebbe a giant – slept ‘ere a few nites ago. Merde! That’s gonna mess fings up a bit.

But then I gets me ratty hed on an me nose tellz me that wot they fink iz a giant’s bed iz just where a tree got felld by sum Beavers – I shows ‘em the stump an’ the chippin’s.

But I also smells ‘orse-stink from a few dayz ago an’ I reckon they’z been frew a lot ‘cos sum ov the stink iz staler than the rest.

So we’z all followin’ me nose an’ at first it’z ded eezy ‘cos the way iz narrer but then the country opens out an’ it ain’t so eezy. We stops for a bit so Hassan an’ Stella can climb the hill an’ get a gander at the tower, wot can’t be far away but they cums back two hours later an’ say it’z too ‘ard a climb, like. But while they’z been gon, Regal’s drawn us a map so we know wot’s wot.

So we set camp just outside the woods while Regal flies ova the tower. When he cums back he sez the tower haz a coral wiv eighteen ‘orses. It’z three floors an’ a roof wiv battulmints an’ four ov the varmints up there – they’s got bows!

Merde! This iz soundin’ like that wizard’s tower aggen. Hassan reckons there must be at least wun varmint for each ‘orse so we’z well outnumbered. Putain!

But then Regal reckons we wait for a raidin’ party to leev, then we nobbl the raiders an’ hit the tower before they know they’z mates iz ded – dvide an’ conker, know wot I mean?

Regal sez Redwing can wotch from the sky an’ Regal’s fetch, Doodoo, can tell Regal when eny raiders leev, like. Meanwhile, we can set camp just inside the trees so we can get to wotever passij the varmints go for an’ ambush ‘em – cept the Humaktis dunt like that ‘cos they’z ded gainst ambushes.

So me an Oleg go for that furckle. It takes us a cuppl ov hours to reach the tower, then we circle it an ‘undred yards out. I smells ‘orses an’ the spoor goes evry way out but speshuly to the lake an’ sowf, wot’s away from the lake. I smells hyoomans but there’z sumfink a bit weerd…

…I fink it’z Chaos! (Akterly, it’z a bit like Regal but dunt tell him I sed that – he’z probly usin’ the wrong aftershave, know wot I mean?) So looks like Beak Wellard woz rite an’ they’z Ogres – at least I dunt sniff no diseases.

Then I gets a reel strong whiff ov Chaos cummin from the tower – iz they brewin’ the stuff in there? Merde!

But, up close, the tower iz makin’ me reel nervy – like I’z gettin’ flashbacks to Violetta’s Tower! It’d be bluddy murder tryin’ to fite our way in gainst a load ov Ogres wiv wotever Chaos featurs they got an’ shootin’ arrers from the battulmints.

But then I haz an idea – I asks Oleg if we coodn’t use hiz Shadowdoor spells to get inside the tower in the Shadowlands an’ then cum out inside the tower an’ take all them Ogres by surprise, like? Oleg finks this iz a great idea so we heds back an’ tellz the uvvers. Stella reckons we shood still do the ambush – an’ the Humaktis can just lump it – but then we’ll do the tower usin’ the Shadowlands.

We sets wotchiz but it’z a kwyit nite.

Waterday, Mobilityweek, Earthseason, 614

We brakes camp an’ shifts to the edj ov the woods nearest the tower an’ camps just inside the trees so we’z hidden while Regal flies up an’ spies the tower, stayin’ well high. He cums back two hours later – he saw six varmints ride out but they’z gon sowf. Hassan sez they mite swing round but Regal kept hiz eyes on ‘em for a while an’ they’z defnitly heddin’ sowf.

So the ambush iz off – wot’s good news for the Humaktis. Stella reckons that leevz mebbe twelve varmints in the tower so we’ll hit ‘em tonite but Blen sez we shood go now in case the six varmints cum back. I sez nite shood be better ‘cos sum varmints will be sleepin’ but them Humaktis know tactics so now it iz.

Regal haz us work out who’s gettin’ wot spells – he sez hiz spirits can dole out Protectshun an’ giv those ov us wivout ally or bound spirits sum Power. All I wonts iz Bladesharp for me dagger an’ sword an’ the Humaktis iz good for that if I givs ‘em the Power. I’ll also be castin’ Ironhand an’ Mobility an’ probly Shimmer but remembrin’ Violetta’s Tower I wunder if I shood ask for Protecshun?

So we haz lunch an’ then Oleg casts hiz Shadowdoor an’ we’z back in the Grey, know wot I mean? I get me ratty hed on an’ slide into the shadders, where I feelz cumftubl. We gets marchin’…

An hour later, we findz usselvs in a ravine wiv a bit ov cliff to the rite. Sudden-like, Blen shouts a warnin’ bout ambush! I turns to see four fings wiv long matted hair haz droppd on Oleg, Stella, Blen an’ Hassan! The uvver three iz OK but Oleg’s bin knocked down an’ looks rite out ov it! Merde! Sumwun shouts ‘snufflers!’

It looks rite hairy but Hassan whips out hiz gratesword an’ lops a leg off hiz snuffler an’ Eliza sticks her spear in an’ it’z ded! Blen parries hiz an’ lops it’z hed off! Stella misses hers but parries wun claw an’ anuvver misses, then Florence Sleeps the fing!

I cast Ironhand an’ Silke casts Shimmer az me an’ Regal go ‘elp Oleg. While we’z movin’ in, the fing claws Oleg’s arm an’ hed! Merde! But then Regal spears it in the guts an’ I bite itz neck an’ it’z ded! (I fort it mite taste bad but akterly it just tastes kinda dusty.)

Florence Heals Oleg an’ he’z az rite az rain. Florence won’t hav us tuch the sleepin’ snuffler so we just leevs it behind an’ gets goin’ aggen.

Anuvver hour gets us to the hill an’ on top iz a circle ov broke stones wot Oleg reckons iz where the tower iz in the Reel World, like. We gets in the middl an’ casts our spells – I go for Shimmer after all – Silke’ll keep Rathealin’ in mind in case ov aksidents. I gets loadsa Bladesharp for me sword an’ dagger.

Then Oleg casts his Shadowdoor an’ we seez a round room wiv stairs goin’ up the far wall an’ stairs goin’ down to the rite. But rite in frunt iz two strong blokes in levvers, bofe bigger than me, wiv axes an’ sheelds – they’z gawpin’ at us…