The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 59

In which our heroes reach Lake Balaton and learn of the depredations of bandits…

Godsday, Fertilityweek, Earthseason, 614

Oleg has a ruff map but he ain’t shore wot’s ahead. He sez there’z this big lake wot we’z got to get round. He wonts to get away from the roads an’ stay away from towns an’ vilijiz. He finks we mite travel on roads at nite or off road in daylite. Lookin’ about, it’s all rollin’ hills. Regal sez he cood scout ahead az an eagl but Oleg sez praps he cood do that when we stops for lunch.

So we sets off. A cupl ov hours later, Regal spots a wagon cummin our way – a wun ‘orse job wiv two gents on the wagon an’ two more walkin’. Oleg ain’t all that big for a Troll an’ he’z wearin’ hiz hood so we just step aside an’ let it past. It’z a merchant, ov cors, wiv three gards. He nods as he passes an’ Hassan shouts for eny news – no news – no bandits.

An hour later we reaches a river feedin’ into the Moon River – well, it’s a small river, more ov a large stream. Oleg sez we gotta follow it to the lake so we turns off the road. An hour later we stops for lunch an’ Regal gets eagly an’ flies up for a looksee. When he gets back he sez there’z a fair-sized town on the road we just left, on the Moon River, wot Oleg sez iz Mohawk. This river we’z followin’ iz much smaller an’ Regal saw sevral eezy fords up ahed. If we cross ova there’z a path on the far bank. He din’t see no barbrians.

The river flows frew a row ov hills but wunce past ‘em it’z kinda flat round the lake, wot’s long an’ thin, goin’ norfeest to sowfwest, like.

We gets goin’ aggen but we dont meet nuffink now we’z off the road so when the Sun gets low we sets camp an’ Eliza cooks dinner. Me an’ Hassan iz on first wotch an’ I’z got me ratty hed on.

But we’z barely got started an’ the uvvers iz still chattin’ in they’z blankets when I ‘ears fings cummin our way – sounds like lots ov feet, ‘oovz mebbe? Silke casts Shimmer an’ I cast Ironhand an’ evrywun’s gettin’ up aggen. Regal finks they sounds like ‘orses but iz more likely zebras or quaggas – barbrians, then.

Blen spots ‘em first – six quagga riders cummin round the hill. Hassan shouts sumfink in Loonytic wot I dunt get then Stella lites us up when she casts Lightwall ova the camp – she sez sumfink in Loonytic an’ I dunt get that eyver – but then I ain’t all that good at Loonytic.

But they can’t miss us all lit up an’ they rides ova. They’z reel nice, say ‘hello’ (I got that) an’ that they’z lookin’ for the river so we points it out to ‘em an’ Hassan sez they’z can share our fire. So they sits down wiv us an’ we gets talkin’ – they’z the Paarl clan. Stella tells ‘em the story ov how we went from Heliopolis to Sophia but she dunt menshun wot we’z doin’ now. They all bed down next to us an’ add a rider to each wotch.

Freezeday, Stasisweek, Earthseason, 614

In the morning Eliza asks the quagga riders bout the lake but they sez they dunt go there. We waves ‘em off after brekfust.

Regal reckons it’z anuvver four days to the hills. We all haz a go at drawin’ a map from wot he sez he saw an’ I fink mine iz pretty good.

We sets off, meetin’ nuffink an’ nowun all day. Oleg teechiz us sum more bout the Shadowlands. We makes camp an’ it’z a kwyit nite – no Moon.

Waterday, Stasisweek, Earthseason, 614

We see nowun aggen – I reckon we’z well out the way, ‘ere, know wot I mean?

Oleg tellz us sum more bout the Shadowlands. He sez it’z a bit like the Spirit Plane only for souls, not spirits – well King Rat iz a spirit cult but I ain’t shore wot Oleg means. He sez a soul iz kinda like a spirit but not, ‘cos sum critters hav wun but not the uvver. He sez Dragonewts iz like that ‘cos they can’t go on the Spirit Plane ‘cos they’z got no spirits, but they can go in the Shadowlands ‘cos they’z got souls.

Stella asks if that means vampires can’t go in the Shadowlands an’ Oleg sez that’s rite but only if they’z Christos Farlee vampires – uvver vamps cood go in.

We camps aggen an’ it’z anuvver kwyit nite – I cood get to like this.

Clayday, Stasisweek, Earthseason, 614

We sets off after brekfust. Oleg must be all talkd out ‘cos Blen starts teachin’ us bout Unded – all this talk ov vamps haz got him finkin’, mebbe? Lumme, I’z gonna know sum weerd shit wunce this trip’s ova.

Regal flies up for a looksee when we stops for lunch aggen. When he gets back he sez the land kinda slopes up to the hills by the lake.

We meet nuffink aggen an’ make camp close to the river. After nice meal cooked by Eliza we turns in. Me an’ Hassan haz first wotch an’ I’z glad to get me hed down when Regal an’ Redwing takes ova.

But I near jumps out me skin when I’z woke by a scream! I sits rite up, wide awake wiv a bang, like. I’z not the only wun an’ Blen shouts ‘wot iz it?’ – “Newtlings”, shouts Eliza! Stella shouts there’z six ov ‘em. The slimy beggers haz crawled out the river finkin’ they’z can off us while we’z sleepin’ – Merde! Well, not this rat! The uvverz iz castin’ spells an’ gettin’ weppons but I just crawls out me blankets an’ go full rat. Silke starts castin’ spells az I goes sniffin’ for the varmints.

The uvvers iz Disruptin’ all over the place (I fink Regal’s spirits iz all pickin’ on wun). An arrer hits Stella’s inna arm but she grabs her bow an’ shoots back. I ‘ears a Newtling shout sumfink – no idea wot he sez but he dunt sound ‘appy, know wot I mean?

Stella shoots wun Newtling inna chest an’ it goes down but before I can get me teef in a Newtling in there’z a load ov splashin’ an’ they’z gon!

Stella strips the Newtling she’z shot – it ain’t ded, just turnin’ bloo from the arrer in the chest – she takes a funny curvd sword made of fish-scales – razor-sharp – set in bone, a trident an’ a funny little crossbow wot you can shoot wiv wun ‘and – that cood be ded useful in the Mischief, like.

I’z finkin’ we’z gonna off the slimy begger but Regal sez Florence won’t ‘av nun ov that – I means, wot! They’d ‘av offed us in our sleep, rite? Enyway, I bandajiz Stella’s arm, nice an’ neat! So we just take all itz weppons an’ brake itz trident, then Florence Heals it an’ we lets it go – ‘Nk you!’ it sez an’ scurries off.

Windsday, Stasisweek, Earthseason, 614

Well it’z time to get up now, enyway. Ova brekfust, Oleg sez we shood reach the hills today so we sets off, heddin’ up this jentl slope all day. It’z anuuver day not meetin’ nowun an’ it’z me who finds us our campsite – a good wun, just off the crest ov the hill in sum woods. This time it’z Regal wot duz the cookin’ an’ it’z not ‘alf bad.

After last nite I’z glad it’z anuvver kwyit nite.

Fireday, Stasisweek, Earthseason, 614

After brekfust, Eliza an’ Regal finds a game trail frew the woods wot takes us to a clearin’ where we can see wot’s wot. It’z bout a mile to the bottom ov the hill an’ anuvver five mile to the lake, wot looks bout four miles cross. There’z a villij on the near shore off to the rite an’ anuvver on the oppsite shore. On the far side iz a bit of land wot sticks out into the lake an’ sumwun’s put up a serious fence – like they wont to keep peepl out, know wot I mean?

This time it’z Redwing wot flies up for a looksee. When he cums back he sez we’z up near the rite end ov the lake but it goes miles the uvver way, kinda long an’ fin. There’z two more villijiz round the near end. Redwing reckons the nearest villij iz for Ducks, the uvvers iz hooman.

So we’z talkin’ bout wot to do – most ov us reckon we shood skirt the rite end ov the lake in the Shadowlands to avoid peepl – an’ Ducks. But then we ‘ears footsteps cummin’ – funny, flappy footsteps cummin’ rite for this clearin’. Hassan goes to see ‘em before they seez Oleg – ‘cos evrywun knows Ducks hate Trolls, rite? Oleg pulls hiz hood ova hiz hed.

So they’re ‘ere an’ yup, they’z Ducks! Regal sez ‘hello’ in Duckish an’ they seems ded impressd wiv this. He tells ‘em who he iz an’ wun ov the Ducks sez he’z Raphael Angelduck – luvly white fevers, he’s got.

Regal sez, “I’z on a mishun from God!” Raphael sez Regal shood cum see they’z Beak, (that’s wot they calls they’z priests) but Regal sez no.

But then Hassan puts hiz foot in it when he tells Raphael Oleg’s got a hood ‘cos he’z got a rash. Cors, Raphael rite away sez they’z healers cood ‘elp wiv that.

But then Raphael splains wot he’z doin’ – turns out they’z got a problem wiv bandits but they’z ded odd ‘cos they steals peepl. They’z all big an’ strong an’ ride ‘orses, mebbe six to eight at a time, always pickin’ on loners. Raphael’s tried trackin’ ‘em but he always loses the trail so he finks they’z reely good at hidin’ they’z tracks. The Ducks haz asked for ‘elp from the orthritties but nuffin’z doin’.

Regal finks a cuppl ov us cood go wiv Raphael to see the Beak, in case we can ‘elp, like. But then Regal cums clean bout Oleg bein’ a Troll – “But he’z me honord frend an’ wood ‘elp us deal wiv the bandits!”

Akterly, I fink they takes it rarver well. Regal sez him an’ Redwing will go see the Beak but the Beak’s gotta talk to all ov us ‘cos we’z a team. Well, the Ducks ain’t too shore but we all haz a go at perswaydin’ ‘em an’ Raphael sez ‘OK’.

So we all troops to the bottom ov the hill, where they leevs us an’ Regal an’ Redwing go off wiv Raphael to Ganderton, the Duck villij…

While they’z gon, Eliza cooks up a nice lunch. While I’z eatin’, I wunders if these bandits mite not be sumfink to do wiv our mishun? I means they’z kidnappin’ peepl an’ ain’t that just wot the Troll shaman iz doin’ to spirits? An’ we can’t be far from Hungry, now, where Oleg sez we’z goin’ – just the uvver side ov the lake, rite? Mebbe they ‘ides they’z tracks by nippin’ in the Shadowlands?

Enyway, bout two hours later back cums Regal, Redwing an’ Raphael wiv a bald Duck an’ four gards. Parrently, the Beak iz Wellard Mallard, cheef priest ov Drakesmere (wot’s they’z name for the lake) – luvly green hed but he’z bald ‘cos Duck priests lose all the fevvers on they’z heds.

We all introduce usselfs – he asks me first so I tellz ‘im I’z a Ratlord! Oleg iz last – he frows back hiz hood an’ sez who he iz. Beak Wellard iz pleesd to meet us, sayin’ the local nob hazn’t dun nuffink ‘cos he sez all troops must be kept reddy in case ov war wiv the Trolls. Regal menshuns ‘risin’ tenshuns’, like wot Lady Xzaxza sed.

Beak Wellard sez the bandits dun attack by ridin’ but they uses they’z ‘orses to get away. They’z ded stelfy an’ wears lite levvers. They’z all big an’ strong an’ most haz Chaos Feetures so Wellard reckons they’z Ogres.

But they’z odd bandits. The Ducks ain’t rich but they makes sum nice levver stuff an’ grows lots ov grub, like. There’z Beavers down the far end ov the lake but they ain’t bin attackd. The bandits always go for outlyin’ farms or pick off lone Ducks by themselfs but they dunt nick enyfing else – just peepl – well, Ducks, that iz.

There’z nowhere for the bandits to hide by the lake but they’ve nobbld Ducks on bofe sides. They cums evry wun or two weeks, last time woz four dayz ago.

Beak Wellard sez if we can ‘elp then we can stay az long az we likes but then Regal sez we’z gotta get on wiv our mishun too so we can’t spend a lot ov time on this. Stella sez we shood check out the last raid az we makes our way round the lake – we’z good at trackin’ an’ Regal an’ Redwing can fly up to see wot’s wot – an’ I can sniff fings out, know wot I mean?

Beak Wellard sez he’ll giv us supplies to be goin’ on wiv an’, if we sorts the bandits, he’ll giv us a point ov battlmajik each – cor! I cood get me fourth point ov Shimmer or Ironhand! But then he sez it’z gotta be worth 1500 shillins at most – never mind, still a good deal I reckon.

Beak Wellard iz sendin’ Raphael wiv us to show us the way.