The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 48

In which our heroes try to arrest an evil criminal…

Freezeday, Stasisweek, Fireseason, 614 - afternoon

Back at the mound, Clay gets the six magic stones an’ we strip the purple cloves off the ded bodies. Evrywun seems to just wanna leev ‘em but I fink they shood be buried so I digs a shallow hole an’ cuvvers ‘em up wiv a prayer for they’z spirits.

Lord Thomas kinda discusses wot to do next wiv hiz skwire but all out loud so we ‘ears it too, like. He finks we shood ask Rosa how soon Viola turned up after Veronica left.

Clay reckons we rest at the cottij ‘cos we’z alreddy paid for it. If we dunt fight Viola mebbe we can force her to reverse wot she did to Sam? Sumwun menshuns hiz dream ov unded an’ shaggin’.

When he ‘ears we’z goin’ back where Viola livs an’ that she woz probly the wun wot took hiz yoof, Sam asks for a disgize to ‘ide from her so we givs him wun ov the Ya-ya robes, wot he wears inside-out so the sijils dunt show. He sez he saw the demon but fort it woz a Chaos monster.

Lord Thomas finks we haz the evdens to ask her to cum wiv us to Sophia but Clay finks we need to get the Rhadis up here so we shood go to Sophia an’ giv the porcs our evdens.

We gets back to the cottij late afternoon. An hour later, Phil knocks an’ asks if we’z reddy for dinner, then he an’ Rosa brings in a nice venison stew. We gets a choice ov beer, wine or plum juice – I goes for beer but Lord Thomas haz the plum juice ‘cos hiz god sez he can’t drink booze. There’z a big froot cake for pud. All good eatin’ for this rat but Lord Thomas waits an hour to see if Tarkwin’s poisond before eatin’ his grub cold. Wot a dummy! He cood just ‘av got Tarkwin to ask me to sniff his grub an’ then he cood ‘av et it hot.

All our wepponz iz beat up from the demon so Eliza asks if Phil or Rosa knows Repair. They sez no but they reckon Martin, Viola’s flunky, mite.

Clays asks how soon Viola turned up after Veronica left – they reckon a season or so. Rosa sez they’d only ever seen Viola “azza bump”. Viola’s bin ‘ere a week or so but she had the keys an’ uvver stuff an’ she looks ded like Veronica.

We sets the same wotchiz as before but, just when we’z gettin’ in our blankets, there’s a knock on the door an’ Clay lets in Martin. “I bleev you wanna a demo ov the lite.” So we all puts our armour back on an’ go out wiv him to that weerd stone on a pillar in the bandond villij. Martin makes sum weerd jesturs an’ sez sum weerd words an’ it just lites up – az good az mebbe six Lite spells! Martin don’t leev it on long ‘cos it brings bugs an’ turns it off wiv just wun word but he sez it woz on most nites when Violet woz ‘ere.

Tarkwin asks if Martin knows Repair – he duz so Tarkwin asks ‘ow much? Martin sez he’ll do it for free if we givs the Power – so me sword an’ dagger get fixed for free. He asks how our wepponz got so beat up and Clay sez it woz just varmints.

Martin dunt seem all that bad to me – not like hiz mistress, but then he’z only a flunky, rite?

On the way back to the cottij, Clay sez he woz wotchin’ Martin good an’ he reckons he cood turn the lite on hizzelf.

Waterday, Stasisweek, Fireseason, 614

Rosa an’ Phil serve a good Sophian brekast – bacon, egg an turnips – yum-yum! Then we say buy to Rosa an’ we all writ Xs in their viztors’ book to show we like bein’ ‘ere – akterly it woz ded nice an’ I wooden mind cummin’ back.

That afternoon, we seez three deer cross the road just ahed – we all let’s fly an’ that’s three ded deer! We takes ‘em back wiv us. We make camp an’ nuffin’ ‘appens in the nite – wot iz cool!

Clayday, Stasisweek, Fireseason, 614

We gets back to Puttock an’ first fing Stella tells Miranda bout Sam an’ Bob. Miranda’s ded distrawt when she sees Sam, “’Ow did this ‘appen?” So Stella tells her all bout it an’ that we’z gonna tell the porcs in Sophia. Miranda sez George the Porc iz in the pub so we all goes ova to the Pony an’ Trap an’ finds George eatin’ hiz dinner so we all join him for dinner an’ pints ov Puttock Headbanger. We givs a deer to the landlord an’ gets free venison steaks an’ send the uvver two up to the Dezrez.

Stella tellz George bout our search for the shepherds an’ that wun woz killd an’ the uvver’s bin made ded old – “He’z aged thirty years in five days!” sez Stella. An Eliza tellz ‘im, “That’s not figrativly, it’z akterly!” George ain’t ‘eard ov Violetta but Stella tells him we finks Viola’s a baddun. George reckons we shood talk to the Chief Justissee-ar, Gulvar Roontree.

Then we hed back up to the Dezrez an’ I kips in the armoury az yoozhul.

Windsday, Stasisweek, Fireseason, 614

We get to Sophia bout an hour before dark – good job it’s all downhill from Puttock. Stella haz us go strait to the Bridewell where a sarjent asks, “Do you’z want to report a crime?” Yes we duz an’ the moment Stella sez ‘black majik’ the sarj gets a flunky to cuvver the desk and cums round to talk to us. (Corss, wiv Lord Thomas standin’ behind Stella, he’z gonna take her seriously, know wot I mean?)

The sarj sez Justissee-ar Roontree ain’t around now but if we cums back later we can talk to Justissee-ar Smith, wot’s doin’ the nite-shift. So we gets a quick bite sumwhere cheap an’ goes back in an hour. The same sarjent takes us round the back to a room where this judj iz waitin’ for us. “Good eevnin’! I am Justissee-ar Brian Smith.” Stella introduces all ov us, “We haz evdens of foul black majic in the provninces!”

Justissee-ar Smith reckons he knows most ov us an’ Stella sez it woz us wot fixed the River Perlovska bout two years ago. She tells him evryfing bout Violetta an’ Viola. He sez he knows of Violetta but not Viola. I sez, “She sez she worships Troof!” an’ Stella sez that’s rite – we all heard her say so. Eliza an’ Thomas reckon she swapped the papers for Sam an’ we fink Viola an’ Violetta iz the same person.

‘Earin’ all this, Justissee-ar Smith sez, “That iz capital black majik!” Lord Thomas sez we’z given him the evdens so he can go to Violetta an’ work out if Viola’s “a baddun”. But Justissee-ar Smith sez he’z gotta talk it ova wiv sumwun else (Justissee-ar Roontree, mebbe?) an’ we gotta cum back tomorrer eevnin’.

Evrywun else goes to an inn or a templ but I slope off to the Mischielf an’ Sally for the nite.

Fireday, Stasisweek, Fireseason, 614

I spends the day doin’ Mischief stuff, trainin’ the kids an’ all that. When we meets up in the eevnin’, Clay sez he’s sold all the loot for 750 shillins – cor! Stella’s flogged the snake poison sacs for thirty bob but we ain’t divvyin’ the loot out yet ‘cos we ain’t finished yet. So we goes back to the Bridewell.

Justissee-ar Smith iz waitin’ for us wiv a Heliot even more portant than Lord Thomas – sez he’z Marshal Charles Aquitaine.

I keeps me mowf shut!

Justissee-ar Smith sez it’z ‘fantastic’ that we’z reported theez ‘ill-tidins’ – az if he likes bad news. The Marshal sez it’z a good chance for Lord Thomas to get more portant in hiz cult. Justissee-ar Smith sez they’z gonna send a senior nishiate wiv us az a ‘leegl advizor’ an’ they say we’z gonna get paid ‘a small wage’.

Eliza asks if we’z gettin’ badges an’ they sez ‘yes’. I say I’z got a rellie wot woz in Rhadamanthus (akterly, Roland woz Sally’s rellie but I woz at the speshul do the Rhadi’s gave when we brort back hiz bones from Hrum Manor). We’z goin’ to be speshul cuntstabls – I’z gonna be a porc!

I ask bout the wages an’ it’z nuffink much, just two bob a day for no more than a fortnite. Then Justissee-ar Smith asks wot we want our sarjent to be good at an’ they settle on Sarjint-at-Law Sebastien Bassett, wot knows Healin’ (so duz Robbie) an’ Repair. He knows hiz law, ov corss, an’ even a bit ov unded lore. He’ll be reddy tomorrer mornin’. Then the Marshal givs us a big Power crystl – but he wonts it back when we’z dun.

Wildday/Godsday, Stasisweek, Fireseason, 614

Stella, Eliza an’ Clay buys up sum Healin’ poshuns wot they gets cheap ‘cos we’z all Rhadi’s now. We picks up Sarjint Bassett an’ heds strait for Violetta. We meets nuffink much an’ it’z two borin’ wotchiz – wot iz ded good.

Freezeday, Mobilityweek, Fireseason, 614

We get to Violetta bout lunchtime, me tum tellz me. From up on the ridj it looks like nuffink’s changed. Phil an’ Rosa’s cottij and Viola’s in the gardin, bofe haz smoke goin’ up an’ the guest cottij is all shut up. We heds down an’ the wun new fing iz these signs wot say, ‘dunt climb the walls’ so it looks like Phil took wot Clay sed to hart.

Az we rides down, Stella sez she ‘eard in the Demosthenes templ that Phil iz rejistird az a toorist bizniss, an’ that Violet woz Lady Violetta, an’ her surname’s Ash. Corss, Veronica an’ Viola mite hav different surnames but if they dunt know they’z dads then mebbe they’z Ash too.

Phil cums out Pansy Cottij an’ tellz us we’z welcum az members but not the sarjint. Then he seez our porc badges an’ sez “no bandits ‘ere!”

Lord Thomas gets Tarkwin to ask if there’z bin any more Ya-yas by in the last coupla dayz. Phil sez ‘no’ an’ asks if we wont to ‘ire the cottij. Stella sez no an’ we just wonts to see Viola. Phil warns us not to mess wiv the statyoos an’ Stella tellz ‘im he shood put up signs warnin’ viztors off doin’ that.

Parrently our plan iz to ‘confrunt’ Viola an’ arrest her for assistin’ black majic an’ demonry an’ then search her cottij for evdens ov enyfing else. Sarjint Barrett sez our paper evdens iz enuff to do the search.

So Stella knocks at the door five minutes later an’ Martin opens the door. He sez Viola is bizzy doin’ experm… eksperts… stuff. He asks us to wait while he ‘sets fings up’…

Finkin’ Viola mite be doin’ a runner, me an’ Clay go round the back while the uvvers spredd out a bit but a few minits later Stella knocks aggen an’ Martin yells he’z almost dun. Then he unlocks the door an’ lets us in, “Please take a seet in the lownj”.

It’z a lot like before only Viola ain’t there an’ there’z no staff gainst the wall. I’z kinda suspishus so I loiters in the door so we can’t be shut in. On the tabl iz a weerd fing lookin’ like a drum but it’z a masheen. Martin touches it an’ sez, “They’z ‘ere!”

Viola talks rite out the drum, “Hello! I’z bizzy doin’ an experment.” She sez it’z portant but she can spare twenny minits for us. Lord Thomas sez we cood cum to her, wherevver that iz. Stella asks if Viola’s in the tower – “Why shood I be in the tower? Yoo dunt need to see me to ask a kweston.”

Martin tells her she’z met us all but not the ‘offser ov the law’. “Haz sumfink bad ‘append?” asks Viola. Stella tellz her the Ya-yas iz all ded an’ that they used her papers to summon sumfink wot killd ‘em. Viola sez that woz very stoopid ov ‘em.

Viola sez we’z free to search the cottij. Lord Thomas sez Sarjint Barrett haz to talk to her in person but she ignores that an’ tellz Martin to ‘elp us. Stella asks if Viola iz in the cottij but she’z sumwhere else, she won’t say where.

Martin switches off the drum an’ asks we dunt mess the cottij up wiv our searchin’. Stella asks when he last saw Viola – this mornin’. He din’t see her leev but she can go usin’ her majik. Lord Thomas sez Viola an’ Martin iz obstructin’ a pleesman in hiz vestigayshun. But Martin dunt know where she iz, “She haz majiks wot let her travel to places I can’t go.” We tell ‘im Viola’s supectid ov dealin’ in black majik an demonry an’ cums back, “Wot!” He seems rite mazed to me.

He’z servd her for bout a fortnite but workd for Veronica for five years before. Veronica told ‘im her dorter woz bein’ schooled in Moonguard an’ Loonyport. But Veronica woz bout sixty an’ startid feelin’ poorly so she went off to visit her dorter. Viola came back after a season or so wiv the keys an’ loads ov papers to prove who she woz, like. An’ Viola looks a lot like Veronica, too.

Then he takes us down the basemint where Clay duz a Det Majik an’ sez there’z a door-shaped bit of majik on the wall. Martin reckons she went that way but he’z never been frew the door.

Clay asks Martin for sum of Viola’s writin’ an’ he cumjs up wiv a shoppin’ list for a visit to Sophia. Eliza reckons the writin’ iz like Veronica’s but I can’t tell. Lord Thomas sez they’z dentical but Sarjint Bassett wonts more than that.

So we searches for hours – we get a few journals ov Violet’s an’ her writin’ iz obvio different to Veronica’s an’ Viola’s. Martin shows us a dresser full ov papers in all sorts ov weerd writin’ – sum wiv pikturs…

… ov demons! We takes it all an’ I reckon I’z lucky I can’t read nun ov it.

Lord Thomas sez we eyver go to the tower or we waits ‘ere, like. He asks Martin if he can get in the tower. Martin sez yes but but he’z a bit unshaw. Stella asks how cum the statyoo dunt go for him an’ he reckons Viola haz dun sumfink to let him fru.

Stella asks Sarjint Bassett for advice: he asks Martin, “’Av you ever seen the door open?” Martin sez a massiv block ov stone goes up an’ there’z stairs goin’ down to a passij goin’ off in the drecshun ov the tower.

I asks how fast the statyoo moovs – “Pretty fast!” I sez I’z got Mobility (an’ so haz Lord Thomas, ov corss) an’ I reckon I cood decoy the statyoo while evrywun else goes for the tower. But Lord Thomas reckons we cood all cast loads ov Bladesharp an’ Protection an’ just wallop the statyoo inter bits. Martin sez, “There’z also the scarecrows!”

Stella thinks we’ll ‘av to storm the tower. Martin looks kinda odd, sort ov like worrit, mebbe? He asks Sarjint Bassett wot ‘obstructin’ a pleesman in hiz vestigayshun’ means, so the sarjint tellz him, an’ Martin seems more worrit.

Martin sez the tower ain’t reely ‘ow it looks – it’z got a luzion on it. “It’z not dlapidatid at all – it’z a three-story tower – it’z got guards!!!” Eliza asks if there’z eny arkitextual drawin’s ov the tower, but there ain’t, ov corss.

Martin sez you can see frew the luzion when you touch it an’ the tower is lit by majik. I wunder if Rosa cood Dispell Luzion ‘cos she’z a Moon-worshipper an’ they gets that spell.

Stella an’ Lord Thomas wont to talk to Viola aggen so Martin switches the drum back on. They tellz Viola we must search the tower rite now. Viola sez it’z a rooin but Stella tellz her we know it’z not. Then Viola looses her rag an’ sez, “Why dunt you toddl off to the plees-place an’ send me a writ sayin’ wot I’z sposed to ‘av dun wrong an’ mebbe I’ll consida goin’ wiv you to Sophia.”

Stella asks Martin to turn off the drum. He sez Viola’s reel upset ‘cos she suddnly sounds just like her mum, Veronica! (Corss, that’s probly ‘cos she iz…)

Sarjint Bassett goes outside an’ starts shoutin’ frew the gate at the tower – I dunno wot he’z tryin’ to say. Bluddy porc!

Guess we’z gotta storm the tower… Merde!