The Case of the Illicit Swanager of Lowwater
Dominic Newman’s first
solo investigation as a Field Agent
On
Godsday of Mobility Week, Seaseason,
606, Mistress Ingrid Lunt, my supervisor in the
Freetown Field Station, assigned me to investigate the matter of a possible act
of illicit swanaging. I read through the papers that
night before setting to work the next day.
The Background
Oliver
Numbskull, Sage of Moonguard University School of
Runic Studies, has spent twelve years studying the local swan populations on
the rivers around
However,
earlier this year, his head count revealed a 15% fall in adult swans from the
previous year. In his opinion, this could only be due to illicit swanaging as swans have few natural predators and
populations in all other areas remain stable due to the run of relatively mild
winters in the last decade. He had also come across several birds showing signs
of injury from weapons and traps.
All
Swans in the environs of Moonguard belong to the Duke
of Moonguard by ancient law and no licences have been
granted in this area for some time so I was inclined to agree with Doctor
Numbskull’s diagnosis.
The Investigation
Obviously,
if swans were being poached, the poacher(s) would have to be fencing the birds
through some sort of poultry vendor and the quantities of birds vanishing,
amounting to some dozens in the space of a season, meant the conduit would have
to be fairly obvious. However, a survey of poultry sales revealed,
unsurprisingly, that no swans were being sold in any market local to
The
records of the Bureau of Community Development & Commerce list five poultry
farmers in the vicinity of the
Mr
Matthews was a middle-aged Matari married to an
ex-Madonna initiate named Gladys. He held his farm from Lord Lux and sold his produce at market in
I
decided to make my initial investigations covertly, visiting Mr Matthews’ farm
on Clayday, Illusionweek, Seaseason in the guise of a city visitor and his wife
(Mildred Cresco serving as my erstwhile spouse, acting as a corroborative
witness and providing support in the event of trouble, which proved unnecessary
on this occasion) seeking a suitably large turkey for a business dinner.
Mr
Matthews himself showed us his live foulstock, all of
which were fine birds, turkeys every one. However, on my asking if he had any
larger birds and stating a preference for them being prepared for cooking on
delivery, he showed me a dozen all plucked, gutted, heads and feet removed. I
bought the biggest!
On
returning to
The Arrest
Unfortunately,
the arrest proved more difficult than the investigation. Since Mr Matthews held
his farm from Lord Lux, I first had to obtain his
lordship’s permission to make an arrest within his feudal jurisdiction.
However, as he had no desire to enter into a protracted politico-legal wrangle
with the Duke of Moonguard, he demurred with good
grace.
Then
there was the matter of the arresting personnel. Moderator Fiscal McKenzie
denied responsibility, claiming his jurisdiction ended at the town walls. I
briefly considered approaching other members of the
It
was therefore necessary to send to Moonguard for
Ducal reinforcements, these being the only viable alternative to the hiring of
expensive and possibly unreliable mercenaries; Supervisor Lunt
refusing my request on budgetary grounds. Moderator Fiscal McKenzie’s denial of
jurisdiction did, however, mean that, with Lord Lux’s
licence, I was free to act in this matter, therefore, upon the arrival of an
officer of the ducal guard and three Moonguard
militiamen on Waterday, Truthweek,
Seaseason, I took my warrant and moved to arrest
Bernard Matthews on the charge of illicit swanaging -
but things did not go according to plan.
It
seems Mr Matthews had been ‘tipped off’ by connections in
Over
the succeeding hour, we gradually wore down Mr Matthew’s determination, though
not before Militiaman Dougal Glowworm
took a nasty wound to his arm. I only avoided injury myself by turning a
quarrel with my shield. Casualties on the other side allegedly came to a gash
to Mr Matthews’ lower torso and some minor cuts to a child caused by flying
glass, both from a discus hurled by Sergeant Fullman
and healed by Mrs Matthews before they could be witnessed by my colleagues or myself. Needless to say, the other prepared birds had been
disposed of, together with the bills, feet and giblets that must have resulted
from preparation.
The Prosecution
Throughout
the arrest, my colleagues and I were at a loss to understand Mr Matthews’ obdurance. It was always certain we would prevail and he
was only making his situation worse. As we took him into custody, all became
apparent upon the appearance of an attorney from
The
trial opened on Godsday, Mobilityweek,
Fireseason; Mr Matthews pleading innocence before
Justice Loonacey of the Duke’s Bench. Opening
statements were followed by the Ducal attorney from
the Bureau of the Judiciary, Mistress Angelica Carrot, putting the case for the
prosecution. By now the original ‘evidence’ was in a somewhat dilapidated
state, ice falling scarce in Fireseason. An attempt
had been made to preserve it with salt but it was really too big for this to be
an effective preservative method without butchery, which would have severely
impaired its value as evidence. However, it was presented, such as it was, and
Doctor Numbskull’s expert testimony together with Mildred Cresco’s and mine
produced a case for the prosecution as strong as the aroma of the ‘evidence’.
Justice Loonacey invited Mr Mackie to offer a
defence.
At
this point, Mr Mackie announced his client was changing his plea to one of
‘guilty but insane’. Throughout the entirety of my involvement with Mr Matthews
and Mr Mackie, I observed their tactics were essentially twofold; to obfuscate
and to delay, apparently in the hope of rendering pursuit of the matter
uneconomical for the forces of justice.
Under
Moonguard law, a plea of insanity must be judged by
divination to the Goddess. Mr Mackie successfully appealed to Justice Loonacey that multiple priests were required to give the
necessary authority according to the ravings, “Three, five, seven, nine; she is speaking out of mind!”
It
is my opinion that this piece of scripture has nothing to do with quorum
restrictions on an insanity plea and a lot to do with the Goddess’ using Mindspeech or some such but unfortunately my merely lay
opinion counts for nothing in a court of law against an ordained Minister.
Justice Loonacey chose the cheapest option but three
divinations still tripled the costs for the prosecution.
As
expected, all three divinations came back ‘as sane as the next man’ and since
Mr Matthews had altered his plea to ‘guilty’, nothing remained bar the
sentencing – or so I thought.
The Sentence
Justice
Loonacey duly ordered Mr Matthews to pay the fines
for the one bird produced as evidence, the smell of which had by now thankfully
vanished from the confines of the court, but not for the other birds observed
by Mistress Cresco and myself because it was not possible to prove they were
also swans. In my opinion, it is one of the marks of the advance of
civilisation in Moonguard in the Third Age that the
old system of amputation for crimes of theft has largely been replaced by a
much more just and sensibly lucrative system of fines. However, in this case,
this meant the penalty for poaching the Duke’s swans is reduced from amputation
of both hands to an amercement of 20s per bird, which
hardly seemed adequate recompense for the time and effort involved.
When
Mr Matthews heard the news of the paltry (please excuse the pun) sum to be
levied, he broke into the broadest grin I’ve ever seen on a convicted felon; I
thought the top of his head would fall off and I was close to weeping after an
entire season’s efforts. But then Justice Loonacey
wiped the smile off Mr Matthew’s face when he assigned costs, to whit;
My salary for one season 168s
Mildred Cresco’s wages for 1 day in the
field and 2 days in court 9s
Supervisor Lunt’s
attention on 3 separate occasions 12s
Sergeant Fullman’s
wages for the 2 weeks detached from Ducal service plus
1 day in court 60s
3 militiamen’s wages for the 2 weeks
detached from Ducal service 84s
Healing for Dougal
Glowworm’s arm 125s
Prisoner’s accommodation in
Transport for prisoner and escort to Moonguard 14s
Prisoner’s accommodation in Moonguard 10s
Justice Loonacey’s
wages for 2 days of trial plus sentencing 24s
Prosecuting counsel’s wages for 2 days of
trial plus sentencing 12s
The jury’s stipend for the 2 days of the
trial 24s
Other sundry court officials for 2 days of
trial plus sentencing 9s
3 divinations by ordained priests of Selene 3000s
Grand Total 3437s
The
Resolution
This was, of course, far more than Mr
Matthews’ liquid capital. In fact it came to considerably more than the value
of his farm and chattels. Of course, Lord Lux interceded
in the matter of the confiscation of the land, since the estate belonged to his
lordship, but Mr Matthew’s chattels were forfeit.
But then Mr Mackie introduced his last
attempt to save his client, claiming Mr Matthews actually to be a serf of Lord Lux’s. If successful, this would have made his lordship
liable for all damages found against his property, as a serf is judged to be.
Naturally, his lordship moved swiftly to refute Mr Matthew’s status and it was
revealed that, while Mr Matthews’ grandfather had indeed been of servile
status, his son, Mr Matthew’s father, had risen above his origins and Lord Lux provided documentary evidence that Bernard Matthews had
served in a chariot in his youth, which in Helios’ eyes makes him free.
Bernard Matthews is therefore ruined, along
with his wife and five children. She is divorcing him for ‘insufferability
in the marriage bed’ and is looking for homes for her children before returning
to the Madonna temple in Freetown; he is now of no fixed abode and seems likely
to have lost his wits, the Goddess granting the blessing he claimed illegally
in court.
Justice
has been seen to be done but the Duke of Moonguard
has recovered merely a fraction of his outlay in the matter and I can’t help
thinking that an early ‘accident’ might have saved the Duke a lot of money, not
to mention numerous other people a lot of time and left his innocent wife and
children in possession of his estate. Meanwhile, do you know of anyone willing
to purchase 281 turkeys? They are a little underfed but are sure to return to
full health with a bit of tender nursing?